Anxiety

Sigh..have you ever felt anxiety so bad that you felt like your skin was a size too small and you're about to literally pop out of your skin??? That is how I feel this minute. Soon it will pass...it has to..nothing lasts forever ..thank God in this particular case!

I'm Not Fancy!

Just wanted to say that..my blog is very plain Jane...whatever crosses my mind basically because it's a way for me to get some of my pent up frustrations out..hopefully! LOL ..Today I am in the midst of the biggest and ugliest longing I have ever had for chocolate..I think boredom is the guilty culprit actually and I've been trying to turn to chocolate to deal with that boredom. I've been fighting it ALL DAY...I'm thinking about making some brownies and being done with it..but I'll keep fighting myself..because I don't want to undo the good I did with my weightloss this week..it's been 2 weeks since putting myself OFFICIALLY on the JC plan (Jenny Craig) and I've lost 7.6 pounds..not bad! It doesn't help that I am hormonal...yeah..that time of the month..has come..curses..LOL..but I'm told that next week than I'll have an even bigger weight loss..we shall see...I'm not the typical person. I need to go for a walk..but I can't because of this damn dizziness I've been experiencing. I came home sick from work yesterday because of it...per my boss! Yikes! I was given medicine for vertigo over the phone and instructed to do NO physical activity this entire weekend....bummer. I will be following up on Monday and probably be referred to an ENT and tested galore..oh boy..but if it'll mean the end to these spells..so be it! I am anxious to lose 25 lbs this summer...or hopefully before summer officially hits..I want to get back to my old self..how I looked last summer..I was happy with how I looked..just didn't know it at the time! LOL

I'm Making it!

Today I feel pretty good..in control..something that scares me is not feeling in control of my life. When I feel like that..that is when I eat..I mean seriously eat. It is amazing how much you can eat even after having had gastric bypass surgery..at the 4 yr mark though. You can't eat much of anything that first year out etc..so don't even try! You don't want to wreck what you and so many others have put into this.

This is the first time I've had to deal with head hunger since my surgery and it is scary!!! It doesn't help though that I am in the midst of serious PMS meltdown..I was talking about chocolate yesterday I believe..that is no joke. It's like there is a chemical released in my brain that I have very little control over once that urge for chocolate kicks in..I have a little chocolate.

Once I have it..I am talking 1 ounce. 1 small sqaure..letting it melt slowly in my mouth..than I'm okay. I can get through the rest of the day and be in control. I am after all a true food addict. That is my "fix" for the day. For me it has become one meal at a time. I guess I'd rather be a food addict than an alcoholic or a drug addict. Addictions though can go off in some many different directions.

I do not appreciate people who speak of such addictions and just offer opinions. I will gladly listen to your thoughts and opinions only if you've been there or are where I am at. I've had too many people lately only to eager to spout their thoughts and opinions and not even know diddly shit about me. Sorry..not going to let that happen any more!

Sucky day so far..

Oh dear..all I can think about right this very minute is how much I would LOVE some chocolate.
It sounds so cliche right? Well..it's true..when a woman craves chocolate she must have it!
Today I feel so fat and ugly..way to go on the self talk! LOL

This and That...

I just heard from a good friend this evening..well..actually two good friends! One of them is in a bit of a family crisis. Their middle child fresh off to college is rebelling big time and causing the family pain with her actions. She hasn't done anything horrible ..you know imagine the worse..she's just being a major spoiled brat making her mother very upset.

I think with time it'll blow over. I hope so for my friend's sake..I've been praying for her. My other friend,it's kind of funny really..we've both gained some winter weight the past few months..pretty much the same amount and we've both also recently lost weight..and wouldn't you know..the same amount lost! LOL How funny is that..we've both lost 8 lbs so far.

I would like to try and lose 50 lbs by the end of the summer..I will settle for the least of 35 though..now I have to work hard to make that happen. How am I going to do that? I'm still formulating my plan..but I do have one!

Bittersweet Baby...

Tonight was the DARE graduation for my son and all the 6th graders in Speedway..that meant that 5 schools were there..the four public schools and St. Christopher's. It was a nice ceremony and I appreciate the police working with the schools to educate kids on the importance of avoiding alcohol and drugs. It seems so odd to realize those same kids in 6 short years will be trooping once again across that stage to pick up their high school diploma..a bittersweet moment indeed.

It's amazing watching the kids cross the stage tonight to see how much they have all grown! My baby is tall! LOL I know...but you don't see when you see them every day ..day in day out..I have to refrain from wanting to call him "daddy long legs" like the spider..seriously that kid has some long legs! His inseam already is 31 inches and he's just about the same height as me now..5'6. Soon he'll sail on right past me! He's taller than both his older girl cousins now..and that makes him SOOOOO happy!!! LOL My baby is growing up. Sigh...

Still Sick..

Wow...I have been sick along with my husband and son. Everyone at work has been out sick too! My boss made me go to the Dr. I'm excited because I did lose a little weight this week. Just haven't had much of an appetite..I am sure that is how I've lost some of the weight. I am supposed to be in the Polar Bear Run/Walk this Saturday but will have to pass considering I am still coughing very badly and having to bang on my chest to break up the congestion..blah! It's more important to get well I think. There will be other walks.

You Know..

I was telling my husband that anymore I don't trust my own judgement when it comes to my health. When I think I have something to be concerned about, it turns out to be something minor..and I'm thankful for that too..don't get me wrong! But it's when I think ..oh..it's nothing ..just a little cold or whatever..I always get shocked..surprised..I've been put on an inhaler and frankly I am less than thrilled about it. It can raise your heart beat! That is scary to me. A side effect being jittery! Oh..yeah..I REALLY need that! HA! On a happy note...one of my meds is known to cause weight loss..loss of appetite. I can only hope! I have at least 30 lbs to lose..I'd like to lose 50 but that might be a little unrealistic.

Happy Thoughts..

I've been listening to a friend of mine who is a DJ on a Country music station. I generally thought that I didn't like country and I'm finding that I actually do like it! I feel like a whole new world has been opened up to me! I'm remembering last year's Valentine's Day..it was nice..I still treasure my necklace. I'm looking forward to the State fair this year. I'm going to do the Governor's walk again..that was fun! I think maybe we should go to a concert or two at the fairgrounds. We're celebrating Valentine's Day..tomorrow.


Now if only spring would hurry and get here!

Way To Go!!

My son just received his midterm grades he has a straight across the board 98%!!
My sixth grade baby....

Okay..warm warm happy thoughts

I'm just so tired of being cold plus having this nasty cold is no fun with my stinging nose and tight chest. I've been trying to stay warm by the fire. I just can't seem to get warm at all.

We did get some snow but it doesn't look like much! I guess I should feel glad..now we don't have to worry about digging out cars etc..

I was kind of lonely last night. Mike had to work late. He had to go in early because he's on the Dean's committee to interview the new Dean to replace the Dean leaving. So he was there from 9 to 9pm. Poor guy that is such a long day!

Freddie has been acting strange again..Freddie is one of my cats..he had an obstruction and it cost a small fortune to get him unblocked and back on the road to good health. That's my Freddie hanging out but never straying from home!

Let's Think Warm..Hot Summer..

I am so cold!! I know so is everybody else too. But I think I am colder than usual because I'm sick. I was thinking it's just a cold but I think it has quickly developed into more. It hurts to cough..I can barely get my breathe. When I sneeze ..I hear this weird noise in my ears...like a loud squeak..plus the pressure in my ears hurt! I am going to call my dr tomorrow morning to see if they think I need to be seen. Okay..warm happy thoughts..I'm going to post pictures from this past summer and some before that..my point.. conjuring up memories of warm happy times!

Now I Am Officially Upset

It has been suggested to me that I refrain from going to the support group meetings and I should let the dust settle a bit..like I did something wrong and I should be ashamed to show my face..that's what it feels like this person is telling me even though that is not what they said..I am reading between the lines.

Someone actually asked me to come to the meeting. They also asked me to speak with them after the meeting. What is the deal here? I don't believe that WLSINDY owns St. V's or it's many support groups..so I have no reason to NOT go to a meeting ...I'll do what I want.

Brrrr...

I am so cold! I am making my own stock this morning. I'm making it from a million turkey necks and assorted chicken parts. It'll feel good ...break up some of that congestion..

Oh..this was horrible..I had a dumping episode off of some liquid robitussin. I felt worse than I did to begin with..the package didn't have anything on the label about how much sugar is in it.

This picture up above was taken last summer sitting outside Yats..good stuff! I long for warm summer days!

Another Person Found Me..

Haa haa ..yet another person from WLSINDY finds me. I won't say who to respect her privacy but it was very shocking to me! She's related to someone from WLSINDY..and unlike everyone else on THAT board, she recognizes that he puts his pants on just like anyone else! She offered her support. I told her I would give her the whole story on the WLS fiasco at a later date...maybe. I am so sick of it all...I am moving on...I just wish some others on WLSINDY would do the same!

That picture is from me walking on a very cold day...New Year's Day..Resolution Revolution..I figure if I can walk in that weather, I can walk anything!

Brrrr..Spring..where are you?

I can hardly wait to be out of winter clothes and a coat..I want more days soon like the ones on the left. I was in downtown Chicago with Evan walking back to our hotel from a farmer's market..it was beautiful outside and I can still feel the warmth of that day!

I'm ready to go back to basics in some areas of my life. I am so thankful I enjoy my job..gosh..how awful would that be ..to be dealing with a job I didn't like and struggle along in life with other issues. I think God's looking out for me and trying to send me a message!

My First Entry..

I'm so happy to be here! There's lots of cool stuff you can do on here and I'm still figuring it all out. I went to church tonight at my old family parrish where I grew up..it was so uplifting..it felt right to be there..like coming home. It turns out the lady sitting next to me used to work with my best friend..we discovered half way through church..that we knew each other..it was great catching up with her about mutual people we knew. I really think there was a reason for me being there tonight.


I think God knew I could use some TLC...I was approached by several different people after mass was over. I got a giant hug from the "boy" who I used to have to listen play piano whenever I'd stop by their house to deliver girl scout cookies or whatever...that "boy" is now the church musical director. He's so nice! He made me feel very welcome! I am glad we went tonight. I usually go Sunday evenings at my parrish to which I've belonged for 13 yrs now. I still like my old parrish where i grew up..it felt like a warm embrace being there.