Anxiety

Sigh..have you ever felt anxiety so bad that you felt like your skin was a size too small and you're about to literally pop out of your skin??? That is how I feel this minute. Soon it will pass...it has to..nothing lasts forever ..thank God in this particular case!

I'm Not Fancy!

Just wanted to say that..my blog is very plain Jane...whatever crosses my mind basically because it's a way for me to get some of my pent up frustrations out..hopefully! LOL ..Today I am in the midst of the biggest and ugliest longing I have ever had for chocolate..I think boredom is the guilty culprit actually and I've been trying to turn to chocolate to deal with that boredom. I've been fighting it ALL DAY...I'm thinking about making some brownies and being done with it..but I'll keep fighting myself..because I don't want to undo the good I did with my weightloss this week..it's been 2 weeks since putting myself OFFICIALLY on the JC plan (Jenny Craig) and I've lost 7.6 pounds..not bad! It doesn't help that I am hormonal...yeah..that time of the month..has come..curses..LOL..but I'm told that next week than I'll have an even bigger weight loss..we shall see...I'm not the typical person. I need to go for a walk..but I can't because of this damn dizziness I've been experiencing. I came home sick from work yesterday because of it...per my boss! Yikes! I was given medicine for vertigo over the phone and instructed to do NO physical activity this entire weekend....bummer. I will be following up on Monday and probably be referred to an ENT and tested galore..oh boy..but if it'll mean the end to these spells..so be it! I am anxious to lose 25 lbs this summer...or hopefully before summer officially hits..I want to get back to my old self..how I looked last summer..I was happy with how I looked..just didn't know it at the time! LOL

I'm Making it!

Today I feel pretty good..in control..something that scares me is not feeling in control of my life. When I feel like that..that is when I eat..I mean seriously eat. It is amazing how much you can eat even after having had gastric bypass surgery..at the 4 yr mark though. You can't eat much of anything that first year out etc..so don't even try! You don't want to wreck what you and so many others have put into this.

This is the first time I've had to deal with head hunger since my surgery and it is scary!!! It doesn't help though that I am in the midst of serious PMS meltdown..I was talking about chocolate yesterday I believe..that is no joke. It's like there is a chemical released in my brain that I have very little control over once that urge for chocolate kicks in..I have a little chocolate.

Once I have it..I am talking 1 ounce. 1 small sqaure..letting it melt slowly in my mouth..than I'm okay. I can get through the rest of the day and be in control. I am after all a true food addict. That is my "fix" for the day. For me it has become one meal at a time. I guess I'd rather be a food addict than an alcoholic or a drug addict. Addictions though can go off in some many different directions.

I do not appreciate people who speak of such addictions and just offer opinions. I will gladly listen to your thoughts and opinions only if you've been there or are where I am at. I've had too many people lately only to eager to spout their thoughts and opinions and not even know diddly shit about me. Sorry..not going to let that happen any more!

Sucky day so far..

Oh dear..all I can think about right this very minute is how much I would LOVE some chocolate.
It sounds so cliche right? Well..it's true..when a woman craves chocolate she must have it!
Today I feel so fat and ugly..way to go on the self talk! LOL

This and That...

I just heard from a good friend this evening..well..actually two good friends! One of them is in a bit of a family crisis. Their middle child fresh off to college is rebelling big time and causing the family pain with her actions. She hasn't done anything horrible ..you know imagine the worse..she's just being a major spoiled brat making her mother very upset.

I think with time it'll blow over. I hope so for my friend's sake..I've been praying for her. My other friend,it's kind of funny really..we've both gained some winter weight the past few months..pretty much the same amount and we've both also recently lost weight..and wouldn't you know..the same amount lost! LOL How funny is that..we've both lost 8 lbs so far.

I would like to try and lose 50 lbs by the end of the summer..I will settle for the least of 35 though..now I have to work hard to make that happen. How am I going to do that? I'm still formulating my plan..but I do have one!

Bittersweet Baby...

Tonight was the DARE graduation for my son and all the 6th graders in Speedway..that meant that 5 schools were there..the four public schools and St. Christopher's. It was a nice ceremony and I appreciate the police working with the schools to educate kids on the importance of avoiding alcohol and drugs. It seems so odd to realize those same kids in 6 short years will be trooping once again across that stage to pick up their high school diploma..a bittersweet moment indeed.

It's amazing watching the kids cross the stage tonight to see how much they have all grown! My baby is tall! LOL I know...but you don't see when you see them every day ..day in day out..I have to refrain from wanting to call him "daddy long legs" like the spider..seriously that kid has some long legs! His inseam already is 31 inches and he's just about the same height as me now..5'6. Soon he'll sail on right past me! He's taller than both his older girl cousins now..and that makes him SOOOOO happy!!! LOL My baby is growing up. Sigh...